How to Have an Emotionally Intelligent Valentine's Day
January 26, 2008
Contributing Writer: Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
Every time Valentine's Day comes along, I think of the day before Valentine's Day a couple of years when, as I was leaving the card and gift shop where I'd selected some Valentines, while cursing the materialism dictated to us by Madison Avenue, mourned the fact that I had no "honey" at the time, thought of the cards I should and should not have received on past Valentine's Days, worried that I was spending too much or too little ...
... the shop owner called out, "Be careful driving, Susan. There are a lot of angry lovers out there on the road today."
It's coming again -- Valentine's Day -- and with it a lot of emotions. It's also day you can organize, if you sit down and think about it, using both your IQ and your EQ.
Intentionality
How do you intend your Valentine's Day to be? Intentionality means saying what you mean and meaning what you say, and it also means being responsible and accountable for your motives as well as your actions.
If your intention is to express your love to someone in a meaningful way, this might include thinking about what means love to them. It could be a toaster oven would be greatly appreciated, a poem you've written, a kiss on the cheek, an addition to their collection, a power tool, something very gushy or not very gushy, a night of dancing, or not spending any money because you're both over budget.
At the same time, how to you intend to manage your emotions?
If you take an honest look at the situation, here are some intentions you might have:
Do you plan to be upset over what happens?
If you're single, do you intend to "let it get to you?"
Do you intend to be disappointed in what your lover gives you, as nothing is good enough?
Do you intend to keep your expectations in line with reality-testing?
Do you intend to express your needs, as no one can read your mind, no matter how much they love you?
Do you intend to spend more than you can afford to and then feel guilty?
Do you intend to compare yourself, or the gift you receive to others'?
Do you intend to agree to choose your boss' gift for his wife even though this causes negative emotions for you?
Do you intend to let someone else "do" Valentine's for you, or do you plan to be personally involved in your gift choices?
Do you intend to be a perfectionist and feel that whatever you buy is wrong, and whatever you do isn't right?
You could intend to love yourself and enjoy your day!
Intentionality is tough stuff and it means business.
Accountability
On the more pragmatic level, there are things that need doing. If you intend to observe the day by remembering various people:
Write out your budget
Make a list of people you wish to remember
Start writing down ideas for each person
Remember there's a whole slew of merchants out there willing to make this easy for you - use the Internet and the telephone
Start early to avoid pressure
Plan ahead how you will resist all the last-minutes "specials" coming your way that you know you can't afford
Put a tickler on your calendar for February 7 so there will be no surprises
Planning is the key to experiencing the joy of Valentine's Day. It's your day and you can have it your way!
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(C) Susan Dunn offers personal coaching, the Gooding Accountability System for your personal organization, and a variety of topnotch Internet courses and ebooks. Visit her on the web at www.susandunn.cc and mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine "EQ in the Workplace."
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